I just don't want to be seen right now. Laugh at yourself, young one, it's two thousand and seven all over again. Thinking about what you want to do: measuring the pro, while weighing the con. What more could you lose.

Have this conversation in double time, at the same time, between one another: "I would put my life in danger. I could lose my job because of you."

"I could," I tell myself. "I could lose everything because of what you and me are doing"

So here I am, alone with my thoughts in town center, where she makes her speech...

And the thing she says is what he said.

Postcards from H.A.L. 2o12

:::::::incoming transmission from H.A.L. 2o12; November 20, 2012 What is this, Summer's Lust? You have followed me down the trail to Winter, Where you will keep me warm On a given night

A night where you are lonely, Feeling the same as I did whenever I let you in. Blow you smoke into my mouth, O cousin of July.

You will make an American out of me, In no time. Squandered in my failed attempts, To maintain something that is already broken.

Postcards from H.A.L. 2o12

:::::::incoming transmission from H.A.L. 2o12; November 13, 2012 Abducted; this is how I find myself. My extraterrestrial invader has taken me to the furthest ring of Saturn. Here in his new ship--with the finest of equipment--he has stripped me from basic request, despite my original understanding.

What have I done? I asked for this. I used my powers to conjure this, and the might of those powers I did not understand.

Whenever you're like me you can fall for anything.

Postcards from H.A.L. 2o12

::::::::incoming transmission from H.A.L. 2o12; November 3, 2012

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It's 3:07am; I'm awake with a visitor. I am to man a ship much larger than my own in the coming hours. It's strange where I find myself whenever I've been floating around up here.

I have no real purpose; I'm just observing.

It seems I've landed on the shores of Neptune. I saw picture of it in a magazine; it stuck my fancy, and I saw it as prime real estate for a personal holiday.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;it's strange the people you meet here, the sound you hear & the sounds you make, but most of all--the people.

"Exiled," comes to mind.

We're all bound to Egypt, despite my German heritage. I'm native Pagan, and have never escaped the flags of Acadiana.

As if I had more today, there have been no transmissions, however, I have been listening to the memoirs of Mister Bird. He is a lovely bow glazed in rosin.

My invader on the other hand--this illegal alien--is not as soft as I would have imagined him to be. I would suppose someone would think that finding life out here would prompt more ferocity in these words, but the truth is that the life that has been discover has only been rediscovered by since a journey I took five years ago.

Nothing new to report.

Postcards from H.A.L. 2o12

::::::::incoming transmission from H.A.L. 2o12; November 1, 2012

20121101-100138.jpg Last night a transmission came in over my receiver. The same voice as last time. “It’s for the best we keep our distance, and for the rest of this I’ll keep it. Most of all, know I’m going to keep my armor on.” The tiny speaker popped and crackled as the message seemingly finished, and then it continued. “Boundaries–let’s build them, my own east and west. My own Berlin with a hope in the Fall I’m going to see that crumbling wall.” The words ended, and I sat in the silence of the controls: a hum and a metronomic blip. I continued to float in my native solar system until sleep came. The message was correct.

Postcards from H.A.L. 2o12

::::::::incoming transmission from H.A.L. 2o12; October 27, 2012 I'm hanging out on the deck of a ship. My ship. I've been locked from my own quarters, By an extra terrestrial that I met along the way.

On this night I may come to my senses about this squandering journey. Or I might just spin this wheel one more time. "If circles could get over themselves," A voice from the past passes through a tiny speaker mounted to my receiver.

"Yes. Come in!.;" I spoke through the glass. But my attempts were futile So I allowed my self to drift while I waited for the extra terrestrial to return.

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THE LGBT COMMUNITY IS SUCH A BULLY!

THE LGBT COMMUNITY IS SUCH A BULLY! They create their mantra to be that they were bullied and unaccepted by the rest of society; and go as far to make a public campaign speaking about how "it gets better". BUT whenever one business decides to speak against the HOMOSEXUAL POLITICAL AGENDA they BULLY them and lash out over the media to protest against what is one of the better corporations in the country because they worked their first amendment. To all the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered who have stood for this, you should be a ashamed of your hypocritical actions. If I have never made it more clear than this, let it be known: I am ashamed that I have ever been associated with the LGBT community, and I DO NOT regret my choice to leave it.

Read the Story

Furthermore, I'm disappointed in Chick-Fil-A for backing down from what they believe as a company. This was all wrong: Everybody knew that Chick-Fil-A was a Christian company, likewise, everyone knows how the Christians stand on the topic of homosexuality.

In my opinion this was a set up--which is something that is only performed by BULLIES.

Tonight

Tonight, I'm sitting in my automotive class at North Harris. I came into the computer lab to take an online quiz, and whenever I finished I found myself surfing the internet. I took today off of work as a way to unwind, but I think that unwinding take longer than what a day of oversleeping, grocery shoping, catching up on school, and an Amy Jo Johnson interview can provide. From here I could move into step two, but I guess I'm still not ready for that. That's the sad part of all of this: my delayed reaction to what I've already recognized is going on.

Christianity is Un-American

I would like to point out to all of my Christian family the thing that absolutely makes no sense: It is often said that America should return to its Christian roots. This is usually said in response to a political office, Muslims, Gay Rights, or any other kind hedonism branded by the Christian Majority (which might I add are typically right winged Republicans—so if you are one listen up).

The First Amendment States: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievance.

 I would like to take our focus on the very first statement of the Amendment. “Congress shall make NO LAW respecting an establishment of religion, or PROHIBITING the free exercise thereof;”

To establish an America as a Christian Country would be in complete disagreement to the doctrine that we so vigorously hold on to. Personally, I agree that the Christian doctrine is THE way of life, and would make for a good ground on which we all could stand on; but regardless of how good or how bad that would be, a Christian America is not an America at all—In fact, it is ANTI-America.

To establish a Christian America would mean to completely throw out the First Amendment, and not to mention that the Second Amendment would soon follow. A Christian America is NOT a free America. Christianity DOES NOT reflect the American Standard, in the same that the America Standard does not reflect Christianity.

 Christianity could be paralleled to something more along the lines of a monarchy or socialist government whose ruler would be Jesus Christ. He would have the complete authority and first and final say. In America we govern ourselves as a democracy, which means that everyone has their own say, and that the majority rules in the end. Both of these concepts are completely opposite from each other, and do not cross by any means.

 America promotes democracy; Christianity promotes a dictatorship.

 We are not part of this world, and the Master makes that clear. Christianity and America are NOT interchangeable concepts, and it is a heresy to believe that they are. It is in my belief that we will never become better Christians—or Americans for that matter—until we can separate the two from each other.

Powerlessness

"It sure seems like God is some kind of trickster. Perhaps the devine is playing games with us."

-Richard Rohr; "Breathing Under Water"

"But He played me the games, and he showed me the ways how they laugh without saying a word."

It's as though the steps must start all over again as if they never started in the first place. I often find myself in places like these--at least once every couple of years. Broken beyond the point of recognition on the inside, and abandoned by even myself.

So what is it? Return to the 12 steps, the church, and the small groups, so that my life can resume it's previous identity as the well put together, well versed, and cultured creature that I pretend to be? That's not quite the answer. 

Even to return to the self loathing, fragile, glitter bug that I used to be would not in itself help matters. My actions from the past month have proven that.

So what is it? In this place of vulnerability I have found myself powerless. In this place of vulnerability I have found myself mask-less despite my attempts to where them. I've been tucked away behind the blinds; I'm not lying to anybody, but I'm not telling it all either.

I look at this new place that I've come to call my home. I look at who I've become over the quarter of a century that I've been here: a suburban bohemian vagabond. Initially that's what I thought that I wanted to achieve, but in reality I think I've only accepted what I've felt I can't rise above.

The things I've used to validate myself are melting away; it's like a long drawn out funeral, and I just wish it would end.

In this I've found myself powerless.

"The ego self is always attached to mere externals, since it has no inner substance itself. The ego defines itself by its attachments and revulsion. The soul does not attach nor does i hate; it desires and loves and lets go."

-Richard Rohr; "Breathing Under Water"

The Fox and the Grapes

Aesop’s story of the Fox and the Grapes is an interesting piece.  There is a lot more to the story than the few words available actually present in my eyes. The first things that I would like point out is that our main character, the Fox, is indeed a fox, and through out human history the fox is metaphorically portrayed as sly and clever. However, this fox is not. If anything this fox is lazy and acceptant of denial. Being the cleverest of the animal kingdom, I wonder if this is not what Aesop had in mind when telling this story. Surely he could have climbed up the trellis on which the grapes grew.

Another question point to this tale is who the antagonist really is. At first the blame is directed towards the grapes, but I think the real enemy of the story is the Fox’s own pride, laziness, and arrogance. Initially he wanted the grapes, but eventually he would turn his nose away from them claiming they were sour.

It’s reminds me of my own life, and how in the past—and probably in the future—I have denied myself the better things in life because they were not easily obtained, e.g., scholarships, positions on athletic teams, or a seat next to the pretty girl who I liked. All of these things I could have had for myself, but because I didn’t apply my natural abilities, like the Fox who is clever, I’ve walked away rejecting the grapes that at first I so hungry for. I wonder if the Fox—like myself—was left as bitter and sour on the inside as he perceived the grapes?

Lynn Beckwith: Radio Personality, Philanthropist, and Businesswoman

Last Friday night, I had dinner at one of the fine restaurants on Kings Harbor with one of my very good friends, Lynn Beckwith. We sat and spoke for hours about her family, her personal life, and daily dealings as an average American. It’s a side of Lynn Beckwith that I’ve seen since the three years ago that we met. I wondered on that evening: out of all the people in town who know Lynn, how many of them have exclusive dinner dates with the popular radio personality, philanthropist, and businesswoman?

I would like to paint a picture of our evening together, so that everyone can know the woman behind one of the top automotive repair facilities in America—and answer the question on everyone’s mind: Who is this Lynn Beckwith, and how did she become such a small town success of suburbia?

Lynn attended college in Texas where she began to pursue her artistic passions as photography major. “I’ve always had a problem with depth perception, so I think that has always given me an advantage at seeing images as a photograph or a painting. I have an eye for seeing the world flat on the page or canvas;” however, being the logical thinker that she is, part way through her college career she changed her major to something that could allow her to be more valuable in a corporate market. She graduated from college at the top of her class in the late 80’s with a major in Business Administration, and a minor in Photography.

After college, in May of ’89, she went into business for herself opening Beckwith’s Car Care. “My friends from college tell me that I would always talk about owning my own business,” she says, “Working on cars was just something I’ve always done. I never had any money in college, so if whatever I was driving broke—I had to fix it. Whenever the opportunity came to open Beckwith’s everything seemed to fall into place.”

Lynn became an anomaly for the automotive repair industry as a single woman shop owner, and became part of a minority in an extremely competitive market. Beckwith’s soon became the talk of the town as it progressed towards a nationally recognized multi-award winning operation. “I’ve always put 100% into everything that I’ve done. [Everything] from projects in school to marketing, I’ve always strived to be the best that I could.”

As the shops popularity began to grow Lynn was invited to join an alliance of local shop owners in the Houston area that holds meetings discussing the issues that concern the industry as a whole, and the standards by which it operates. “As a woman, being invited into this group—which is dominated by men—was a huge milestone. I was honored to know that Beckwith’s had what it takes.”

As a young girl Lynn’s father professed the mantra to “always surround yourself with people who are better than you are.” It is a practice that has bode well for her, as her employees—like her shop—have been recognized and awarded for their skills as technicians, and for outstanding customer service.

Come the second decade of the new millennium, Lynn’s business had become a “well oiled machine,” but despite its ability to run itself, she still makes a conscious effort to be at the shop the majority of the time saying, “I think it says a lot whenever you go into a business, and the owner is there to shake your hand. In this day that’s something that you don’t see too often.

She has continued to venture into new territory as with two years ago, and the “That Car Lady” personality; it supports a consumer education campaign, and hosts educational classes at the local college and women’s enlightenment. That Car Lady presents a feature based Monday mechanic program on AM950, as well as automotive tips throughout the week. She is a regular host The Car Counselor Show, a call in talk show, and a variety of other shows including Fox New Features.

“I think it’s important to remain goals oriented, and strive to reach those goals.” This is an idea that Lynn continues to practice as this past year has also brought the latest installment of Lynn Beckwith’s enterprise: “Rage Bull Customs,” an aftermarket accessory line that features lift kits, spray in bed liners, and performance upgrades.

She continues to be an active member in the community as well. Just recently Lynn Beckwith helped organize “Cure Fest,” an all day music festival that raised money for brain cancer research. Among other things, she’s supported charities such as The American Heart Association, Child Advocates, and The Susan B. Komen Foundation.

As our evening drew to a close, the waiter brought us our ticket, and the sun set passively over Lake Houston. It is truly an honor to be involved with one of the Lake Houston Area’s finest. Lynn Beckwith has been a blessing to her industry, and to Harris County. “I’ve dedicated myself to making sure that when people leave my doors, they have a smile on their face—because at the end of the day that’s what’s most important.”

To learn more about Lynn Beckwith, Beckwith’s Car Care, That Car Lady, or Raging Bull Customs please visit www.beckwiths.com for more information.

Sessions with Richard Savercool

About a year ago, I embarked on a recording project with a friend of mine—Richard Savercool. Every Tuesday night I would go to a very tiny city north of Houston called Paton Village; I would meet with Richard at Freedom Family Church in a tiny room that he had set up as a recording studio.

 Accompanied by his wife, Trista, at times, Richard and I began to explore some of my writings that go back as far as 2007. Together, I was able to journey back to those far reaches of space that I traveled to during “Constellation BluePrint”, and reminisce of the gravity and flood that was “A Piscean Journey Through the Martian Battlefront.”

 Though I was able to explore deeper parts of the music that was written so long ago, what was most valuable about the experience with him was that he allowed me to learn a lot about who I am as a musician, what it is I want to achieve, and what it is I’ve been doing since I was in high school.

 Richard brought my music to—what could be considered—a pop influenced mainstream sub genre. Growing up on 90’s pop, I couldn’t have been more excited about the ear candy that grazed my ears during the recording process. I learned that songs just don’t happen, and the amount of time that is put into them is grueling.

 Earlier this year, the writing process began to creep up on me, and my focuses began to shift from the work that has been to the work that will be. Along with other variables, Richard and I officially ended our unfinished project.

 Being a year since the project began—give or take—I thought it to be right to finally share this music with public. The short release features the three songs that Richard and I completed. I hope all enjoys them. All song are available to downloadFREE.

Behind These Eyes

The Maid

Flamingo Fandango

Freedom Family Church of Paton Village

For the past year I have been working closely with the Richard Savercool on many musical projects. With Richard being worship pastor at Family Freedom Church--where his offices are located--I was asked by him, and Brother Roy Jackson to join the worship band on the keys a few months after Richard and I's work had begun.

Within the past month or so, our band has definitely taken a turn for the better. Trista, Richard's wife, was at our practice the other night; she took a video of us revamping one of our regular songs. I hope it is enjoyed: