So to be real for a moment.
the click... or should I say these clicks. With experience comes wisdo... trut... well, really experience brings experience. The ability to remember things that you didn't have the opportunity the first time. Every lap; every round; every revolution; every year brings more experience.
One thing I've come to learn about my homosexual nature is that my expressed desire to dismiss my role in it is strongest whenever a relationship with a man ends. I immediately become disgusted with my homosexual identity, but I think the more honest answer would be that I'm disgusted with the co-dependant mask that I've created in order to sustain the relationship.
So, I go through my cubbies and spaces to rid myself that attaches me to that person; it's as if it was an effort to erase that person from my history, and trace the lines backward to the person I was before I met the man.
The past few attempts do dismiss my homosexual nature was because of the relationships that I was in was a horrible mess, but the truth is that I was homosexual before I met those men.
It's time to reexamine the evidence--and more importantly--my own motives regarding the total case for my homosexual nature and the conflict between it and my faith.
