It seems as if I've been kicked out of my band for the rest of the month. I don't blame them I'm not the most dedicated of members, and ever since nameless; died I've found it harder and harder to give myself over to the church. With the Christmas season in the air, and the requests of the Christmas Cantata, I have been more than vocal about not participating in the ceremonies that the band will be keeping at the church. I haven't exactly been fed up with the church or the band. I'm pretty much over whatever scuffs that I've had with Ryan. Also, I've enjoyed my time with the team since I was demoted--for natural reasons.
With all that said, I'm not very upset about it. There is a issue whenever a musician is not connected to his church. Whenever he is merely just a musician and not a member, then it becomes a job and not a ministry. With the light of knowing that others are compensated for what they do musically, but I'm not, I guess there starts to be weight and value set on things that in the beginning didn't matter.
That's where you start to realize what you're there for in the first place:
"Do I play piano for Patton Village Church because I expect something in return?" or "Do I play piano for Patton Village Church because it is what the Lord called me to do?"
Whenever nameless; and I were still together, I resigned from the church, only to return to them once they called and asked for me to come back. At the time I wasn't in a position to turn down any opportunities from the Lord, so I took it as "word" and went back. Since then my time at the church has made an ass out of me, and I've learned where my breaking points are because of it.
But in honesty, after nameless; died I had no more zeal for Family Freedom Church. I had no interest in hearing what they had to say to me about anything. Not that any of them had done anything wrong, but because of the mere fact that I don't really know them, they don't really know me, and I am in no way in community with these people. This is pretty much based on the factor of distance. None of these things are bad things, but it boils down to that I'm not member of their congregation; I'm just there on assignment.
Perhaps the assignments over. We'll take the rest of December to find that out I guess.
