Cymbalta & a Renewed Subscription

One thing that love about coming to Dr. LaGrone's office is how beautiful it is inside of here. It really distracts me from the fact that I'm actually here to keep from going crazy. A lot of times when I refer to my depression as "crazy" people tend to retract, and sanitize the circumstances.

No---please let us not fool ourselves.

I've been very comforted by my technologies lately. The blue-tv-screen-light, and the light ticking of a hard drive from the late aughts. I've always kept a handheld device with me, even whenever it was just a Gameboy Color. It's nice to reach out to the digital age through my thumbs.

It brings to mind: robots would make good pets; but the truth is that robots are good pets, they are just not as complex or interactive as some might think they should be in order to be deemed Robots.

Becky is in town today; I'm excited that she gets to be here for whenever I get my record. I'm further excited about being able to share the disc with the people that I love the most first--before the campaign actually begins.

Great things are in store;

outgoing /\/\essage;;;

I can see what you're doing, I'm glowing, You're moving, I'm being reeled in. It seems you did feel me, Whenever I tugged the line. What is to follow? "Requesting Permission to Land"

On the Other Hand;

On the other hand, I wonder if I really do need this?

I don't think that I've ever known a time when I wasn't like this. Does depression constantly get worse as a person ages? What about whenever I'm an old man?

The thought of being an old man is depressing enough.

What if I walked out on my chance?

What if this is just another tactic from the government trying to keep down the people in my income level: leaving me addicted to yet another substance that I can't seem to let go of.

Tonight at church we did an illustration of asking for help. Everyone was blind folded, and in a square that was lined out by tables. They were told to find their way out, and if they needed help all they had to do was ask. After the "lost" tired from searching their blinded way out of the "maze", they asked for help, and the blindfold was removed.

I didn't participate; I facilitated it. The way it makes you feel whenever you have to present a message that you can't demonstrate yourself.

So, yes I understand the parallel, but...

outgoing/\/\essage;;;

how do I ask for help, Lord? One thing that I've come to understand about faith is that, Things are rarely what they seem, And there is more than just action required. But even if I were to do it so nonchalantly, The heartbeat of this message is to say, "Lord, I need you help!"

Deception Invited by Cymbalta;

I wonder about the grand deception, I wonder how much of what I'm doing is part of that. As a Christian the end times & the narrative of Revelations has always intrigued. Fear is often associated with it as well. I think it so because I worry that I won't make it in the end.

My most honest fear of taking antidepressants is that I'm submitting to the authority of the world, and that my reliance on drugs is the what will keep me unreliable on The Lord.

He is forgiving; he is understanding; but he is the ultimate judge & the only say in my eternity.

outgoing/\/\essage;;;

I do not know what to do. Or do I? I've still yet to finish the text. Are you concerned with my pedigree? Are you concerned with my artistry? My ship is at harbor, Along the shores of Saturn's rings. I'll wait for your reply, An anticipation fearful in its inquiry;

Cymbalta & Bad Technology

Tonight is the first night that I've taken my newest prescription, Cymbalta. The name reminds me of a warrior of some type. I spent the last two days not on any meds at all, and I was fine; however today as I woke up late for my appointment with Tim, I dreaded my visit to Dr. Lagrone's office. I thought about not going.

The peculiar thing is that Dr. Lagrone chose this antidepressant because it was what he had free samples of... As silly of an idea that is, I think it's just as silly for me to take the drugs knowing that.

I'm sure I've taken worse before; I'd hope so at least.

Tonight I watch "I, Robot" & "2010: the year we made contact". Both movies have a theme of technology gone wrong, creation turning against creator, and the consequences of human flaw. I wonder what parallels lie between that and the gospel.

I feel tired, but unable to sleep. I'm wiggly in my joints. I'm not sure how I feel about being medicated still. It's very scary to me